Finding God

I have always doubted god. I wasn’t a believer of higher powers. I always believed that one is in control of one’s own life. That’s what I told others when they asked me about a higher power.

But in all honesty, I wanted to seek a higher power. I sought god. But I found none. I read religious books and philosophy looking for god. I looked into revered men (and women) looking for a clue to find god. But every time I was left disappointed. I felt like I wasn’t getting any closer.

I almost gave up hope because I was convinced that’s there’s no god. If there was one I would have found him already.

Time passed and I was being my useless self, doing all the useless stuff, making a living out of consumerism and my limited intellect. Travelled to Katutura to meet some loved ones and there we saw a dog who was paralyzed waist-down. He dragged his legs along the ground due to paralysis and the wounds stank. My wife looked at the dog and cried. Pleaded with me to help him. It wasn’t easy, the dog needed a lot of help and the villagers mentioned that the dog is beyond saving. I wanted to be practical and deny my wife’s request. I wanted to look away and mind my own business. Suddenly something inside me accused me for being selfish. I knew if I turn my back on this dog now I won’t be able to live with myself anymore.

My father gave the bog a bath, the villagers helped and we brought him to Colombo. He was treated in a vet clinic for a month and got a lot better. My father nursed the dog, regularly bathed him and fed him promptly. Every morning the dog waited for my father and greeted him almost resembling some sort of worship; like he’s grateful.  

There I realized the idea of god is far more complex than we understand it to be. We have personified god as some sort of a being but as far as I’m concerned it’s a state of being. And I also realized that one single idea can galvanize a community to leave behind the individualism and rally around the common good. To witness that is to witness the magic unfold. To witness this meant that I came around the concept of god. I might not have a comprehensive understanding but at least I gathered the general framework of god.

This idea changed my life. I always loved and respected my parents. But from that point onwards I couldn’t look at them as normal human beings anymore. I couldn’t look at my wife as a normal human being anymore, the man who provided an empty box so that we can take the stray cat home, I saw the godliness in him. Godliness took over the tuk driver who drove like a maniac to take the patient to the hospital. I saw the act of god when all vehicles gave way to the incoming ambulance.

I saw that all of us are capable of greater goodness. And how all of us can galvanize others for greater things…!!!!