I have always doubted
god. I wasn’t a believer of higher powers. I always believed that one is in
control of one’s own life. That’s what I told others when they asked me about a
higher power.
But in all honesty, I wanted
to seek a higher power. I sought god. But I found none. I read religious books
and philosophy looking for god. I looked into revered men (and women) looking
for a clue to find god. But every time I was left disappointed. I felt like I wasn’t
getting any closer.
I almost gave up hope because
I was convinced that’s there’s no god. If there was one I would have found him already.
Time passed and I was
being my useless self, doing all the useless stuff, making a living out of
consumerism and my limited intellect. Travelled to Katutura to meet some loved
ones and there we saw a dog who was paralyzed waist-down. He dragged his legs
along the ground due to paralysis and the wounds stank. My wife looked at the
dog and cried. Pleaded with me to help him. It wasn’t easy, the dog needed a
lot of help and the villagers mentioned that the dog is beyond saving. I wanted
to be practical and deny my wife’s request. I wanted to look away and mind my
own business. Suddenly something inside me accused me for being selfish. I knew
if I turn my back on this dog now I won’t be able to live with myself anymore.
My father gave the bog
a bath, the villagers helped and we brought him to Colombo. He was treated in a
vet clinic for a month and got a lot better. My father nursed the dog, regularly
bathed him and fed him promptly. Every morning the dog waited for my father and
greeted him almost resembling some sort of worship; like he’s grateful.
There I realized the
idea of god is far more complex than we understand it to be. We have
personified god as some sort of a being but as far as I’m concerned it’s a
state of being. And I also realized that one single idea can galvanize a
community to leave behind the individualism and rally around the common good. To
witness that is to witness the magic unfold. To witness this meant that I came
around the concept of god. I might not have a comprehensive understanding but
at least I gathered the general framework of god.
This idea changed my
life. I always loved and respected my parents. But from that point onwards I couldn’t
look at them as normal human beings anymore. I couldn’t look at my wife as a
normal human being anymore, the man who provided an empty box so that we can
take the stray cat home, I saw the godliness in him. Godliness took over the
tuk driver who drove like a maniac to take the patient to the hospital. I saw
the act of god when all vehicles gave way to the incoming ambulance.
I saw that all of us
are capable of greater goodness. And how all of us can galvanize others for
greater things…!!!!
